What to Do when a Dating Site-based Relationship Goes South
So you met this chick on Match.com. Everything was great when you talked to her there: she was funny, liked dogs and even had a Labrador, went running in the mornings, rock-climbed, had a degree in economics, and she was pretty cute too. So you hooked up at a restaurant downtown, and it went awesome. She knew about wine, you could describe the dishes to her (because you’ve been on about twenty failed dates there and really, you should have picked a different one), and you talked about music, movies, tech, and cars. After, she invited you back to her place for a night which happened to take place in her bedroom. So, that went well, and it kept going well. It’s been a month or so. But you’re noticing something. You’re not actually compatible.
On paper, you’re a great match. But paper doesn’t account for things like the way she laughs (loud and sharp) or the way she hates it if you shower with the door open. Those are little things, and yes, you could close the door, but it’s not like she’s never seen you naked. And the little things keep adding up.
Your bros’ keep telling you it’s time to end it. That time you went to a barbecue together, your bros’ ladies found you, pulled you into a bedroom—it probably looked like you were having a five-way—and told you they liked her, but you had no future with her. Face it, the ladies know you pretty well, and they’re mostly good judges of character on top of that. Take time to listen.
Keep It Manageable
Take her to a nice restaurant, one you both like, so if either of you leave before eating, the one who stays can at least take food they like home. Try to just order drinks and maybe an appetizer, tell the waiter you’ll decide on meals later. Then man up and face the music, but do it right. Tell her flat-out that you like her, that your relationship started out great. Be honest. Tell her that it’s not working for you anymore. If she starts to cry, offer her your napkin. If she starts berating you, time to leave. You’re not with her anymore, and you don’t have to take that anyway. If she throws water in your face, leave. But if she agrees, that’s the best outcome, and it’s probably going to leave you feeling pretty crappy. After all, it means there was something wrong with you, that she didn’t like things about you or that she saw no future with you.
If she agrees, she might get up and leave after that. Or she might stay, and that’s when you ask if she wants you to stay or if she’d mind waiting until you finish your drink. If you’re both cool about it, you could even finish the appetizer together. Maybe you’ll even stay friends. If you do, get used to her laugh.