Nothing is a bigger mood killer than the girlfriend who talks about her ex constantly. She may mention that he did something with her that you’re doing now, or even worse, comment about how good he was at certain things. She may not get that she’s basically stabbing giant holes into your confidence. Getting her to stop can be a touchy subject. The last thing you want to do is sound like you’re insecure. So here are three things you can do to kill off her ex boyfriend’s ghost for good.
Don’t be Defensive
If you jump onto the defensive then she’s going to notice. Don’t immediately try to one-up the ex. He’s not there to compete with you and, let’s be honest; he’s the ex for a reason. It’s also not a good idea to remind her of that fact; it’ll just rile her up. Instead, when she mentions the ex, try to figure out what brought it on. Say something like ″Oh, so do you not want to eat here again?″ if she spends time talking about how he used to take her to a restaurant. When she brings up memories, try to just guide her to a different topic.
″You know, you talk about this guy a lot, is there something you need to tell me?″ Ask her gently. Don’t be aggressive with her. You don’t want to bombard her, but asking when he comes up may be a way to get her to realize what she’s doing. This is also a good way to get yourself into a position to get a full ″do’s and don’ts″ list from her. ″Sounds like he really pissed you off, what did he do?″ When she lists off his many ills, pay attention. You’ll come off like a mind reader when you don’t make any of the same mistakes.
If you get to the end of your rope then you’re just going to have to lay it all out there. Even if she’s totally raging on the dude, the ex talks is getting on your nerves. ″Listen, I’m really getting antsy about how much you talk about your ex. It’s like you’re not really over him.″ Try to be supportive when you say something, it’s easy to just blow up when this happens. Also make an effort to not give her ultimatums. However, if this is on your last nerve, you need to tell her. Maybe she didn’t even realize how much she was doing it. Maybe she isn’t over him and that sucks, but you deserve to have a girl who is totally into you, not living in the past.
The ex boyfriend’s ghost is something we all have to deal with sometime or another. It’s annoying and can really put a damper in any relationship that you have started. The key is to first get the girl to notice that she’s doing it, and then coax her into stopping without being too harsh with her. If you start on the offensive or on the defensive she’s just going to blow up with you. Remember the 3 steps above to try to get rid of the ex without losing your girlfriend in the process.