Niceness and Its Boundaries
Most guys think being nice is a good thing, and it is. Most women don’t like jerks. But there are two problems with niceness: being too nice, and being too ‘Nice.’
Being too ‘Nice,’ the capital ‘N’ one – is something women are looking for, and it won’t earn you friends over time. You don’t want to be what women call a Nice Guy. Nice Guys use their niceness to get in good terms with women, and then use it to try to guilt them into sex. It’s pretty scummy behavior, and women will tell each other about you.
Being too nice, little ‘n’, is a different matter. Its genuine niceness and you’re not trying to get anything in return. It’s also called ‘being a doormat’. Being so nice just invites people to walk over you. Decent people feel bad being with a person that nice; indecent people eventually get bored.
The Nice Guy Phenomenon
Nice Guys have probably been around since the dawn of time. Back then, they were handing cavewomen chunks of meat and getting her seats close to the fire before demanding sex. Now, it’s a different story.
Any guy can turn into a Nice Guy, as far as we can tell, but we’re pretty sure it requires a few things. First, either you don’t have the balls to ask the chick out, or you ask her and she turns you down. Either way, you decide that you want to be her friend, but you also want to have sex with her. This is where a grown man says, “Hey, want to be fuckbuddies?” and takes a yes or no as something she means. Nice Guys, start offering things like free computer care, construction work, or mechanic duty, hanging out with her as much as possible, and staying nice. But at some point, a Nice Guy turns it into, “I’m so nice! You should repay me by having sex.”
Needless to say, this is pretty reprehensible. Odds are pretty good that a woman will catch on early and then tell her friends to avoid you, so it doesn’t even get the payout you want.
The Doormat Phenomenon
A doormat is a person who lets themselves gets walked all over and doesn’t stand up to others. Sometimes, this is because of a complete and total lack of spine; sometimes, it’s being too nice. A doormat will meet a person and be so nice that absolutely anything goes. Someone crashes your car? “It’s okay, insurance will pay for it.” Someone loses your Mickey Mantle -signed baseball? “I didn’t really like it anyway.” Whether or not you mean it isn’t the point; what is the point is that you aren’t standing up for yourself. For most women, that gets uncomfortable pretty quickly. They don’t like feeling like they’re using someone or walking all over them. You won’t want to be around the other women for long. Fortunately, they’ll probably get tired of you before they totally break you.