We have to admit that we were skeptical of Zoosk.com from the start. How are we supposed to take that name seriously? But we gave it as fair a shot as we could; we followed the same procedures and used the same criteria as we do for every other site. We wound up finding that we were right to be doubtful of Zoosk.com; every reply we got was from some immature girl we’d be more likely to send our little sisters’ way to be her friend instead of asking out on a date. Even so, we kept talking to the girls—we can’t call them women, even if they are over eighteen—for as long as we could. None of them ended with setting up a date. Between the name and the lack of truly grown women, we have to rate Zoosk.com pretty lowly.
Zoosk.com: Review Our Results Using The Zoosk.com Site
We looked for five hundred women on Zoosk.com, we really did. We even expanded our personal definitions of “grown woman” to allow for the juvenility of the site’s users, which meant we wound up sending girls messages. At least they were still over eighteen. Out of the five hundred we finally found who were remotely mature, we got thirty-five replies. That’s one of the lowest return rates we’ve had yet. Nine of those were clearly fake accounts, so we really got twenty-six replies. That’s pathetic.
Out of those twenty-six, seven didn’t reply to our second messages. Thirteen replied to our second messages by telling us we sounded “too old” for them. The last six asked us to friend them on Facebook and never said anything to us again. (That might be because we didn’t friend them.) Verdict: Zoosk.com is terrible.
Zoosk.com Issues: 3 Things Zoosk.com Didn’t Do Well
Let’s start with Zoosk.com’s name. It sounds like something Dr. Seuss would have come up with. We actually Googled “dr. seuss zoosk” just to check. It turns out Zoosk.com’s Twitter handler tweeted a Dr. Seuss quote, but it’s the only connection we can find. We’re pretty sure the site owners put all the letters from a Scrabble game in a bag and pulled them out until they had something resembling a name. They obviously didn’t consider whether it would be an appropriate name for a dating site.
Then there’s these Zoosk Coin things. We kept getting bothered to buy them. We’d already bought a subscription; why would we want to invest more in the site? So we looked up what they’re for and were promptly reminded of Neopets. Zoosk Coins are used to buy a Boost feature that put you at the top of someone’s search results (which made us suspicious of the top girl we found every day), a Delivery Confirmation that tells you that a message you sent has been read, a Special Delivery thing that gives a message recipient a pop-up that they have a “special message”, or to buy gifts that—we kid you not—are “fun graphics”, like “flowers, pets, and cocktails”. No wonder we ran into a bunch of girls instead of women.
That girls instead of women thing was the worst of it. We’re not interested in finding women who are emotionally sixteen. We dated them once; we don’t need to go through that again. We’re interested in women who won’t throw hissy fits if we don’t remember our two-week anniversary, thanks. Not that any of the girls we contacted seemed to fit that bill, especially given how many thought we were “too old”.
Zoosk.com Review: Is Zoosk.com Legit & Worth Joining?
We’re sort of thinking that Zoosk.com is a total scam. The thing where you can boost yourself to the top of a random person’s search results makes us think the site is nothing more than a search engine with a randomizer that can be weighted. It’s definitely not something we can recommend to any grown men. Who’d get caught browsing a site named “Zoosk” if he didn’t have to in the interests of all men who use dating sites? Instead, if you’re interested in grown women and don’t want to be pressured to spend money on gimmicks, check out Match or another of our top sites, the ones oriented toward adults.